The Ultimate Tips For Weekend Procrastination

I have been really into asking and answering nonsensical yet deep-thinking questions as of late; e.g. What foods or drinks would you take with you to a desert island, supposing that was all you could eat/drink other than water?It’s a great question and I have genuinely put a great amount of thought into my answer. I’m thinking: tropical juice, honeydew melon, double chocolate cake with chocolate gateau and chocolate sprinkles, iced buns and corn on the cob. Close runners up were perfectly ripe mangoes, Oreos, cream soda, vanilla ice cream and Lotus spread (if you know, you know, and if you don’t then you have not yet lived).

Tbh, this is what I do in my spare time. You know that awkward break during the lunch period when you have finished your dinner but are too lazy to get up and go to the toilet? I then take the opportunity to pose all the deep and unanswered questions. If you could be an animal, what animal would you be? If you had to eat only one food for the rest of your life, what food would you eat? Suppose this was actually real, and you probably would get diabetes, cancer and a heart attack from daily consummation of the deep-fried caramel tray bake you suggested earlier – would you change your food? Would you rather live entirely off savoury foods or sweet foods? If you won the lottery, what would you do? What activities would your ideal day consist of? 

I have prepared answers to them all.

I happen to be very good at procrastinating. I prefer to call it dreaming and planning... without actually ever carrying out any of the ideas. Truthfully, it is really just wasteful procrastinating – but sometimes it is just so fun. Like, imagine an evening: Saturday. You have just gotten out of a lovely bubble bath (step 1 to a brilliant procrastination session) and are now snuggled up on the sofa. What do you do? Obviously not anything productive because it happens to be the night of inactivity. It’s only 7.30pm and Saturday night TV hasn't started yet. 

Enter: the perfect list of procrastination ideas. You can thank me later.

Spend 45 minutes+ scrolling through Pinterest – good searches are ‘cute pets’, ‘children’s birthday parties’, ‘street style’, ‘nail art’, ‘summer’.

Have a bubble bath – extra points if it is a Lush bath because you will have a 60% higher chance of staying in longer.

Give yourself a facemask.

Paint your nails and restrict yourself from any moment for the next hour.

Watch a documentary on Netflix but don’t actually watch.

Watch Ellen DeGeneres clips on YouTube.

Watch Katie Hopkins debating on YouTube.

Watch Naomi Campbell walking down the catwalk on YouTube.

Watch James Corden’s carpool karaoke with literally anyone because they all happen to be amazing – on YouTube.

Watch literally anything on YouTube – it is your best friend when it comes to procrastination.

Have an afternoon nap. Or just lie in bed and do any of the previous ideas.

Write a to-do list.

Start a new series on Netflix.

Watch Kim Kardashian crying.

Watch clips of Kendall and Kylie when they were younger.

Find out the fact of the day.

What happened today in history?

Do some online shopping. ASOS is the absolute best because there are so many categories.

Do a meal plan for the week – you obviously don’t have to follow it, ever.